Thursday, April 29, 2010

Put Down Your Old KJV Red Letter, The Good Book Just Got a Whole Lot Better

The Holy Bible.  It's been translated into 2400 languages and over 300 English translations alone, but when you get right down to it, they all contain the same boring, outdated, hard-to-get-through dry text.

But not any more!

How Many Meters in a Foot?
Now there's a way to read about the loving power of the Ultimate Father-Figure in Kyle Holt's "The Bible in Rhyme".  Yep.  Rhyme.

How many ten-year-olds can stand to sit through a dreary sermon that involves phrases like: "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

Ugh.  Can't you feel your eyes glazing over?

Now take a gander at this little ditty from Genesis 3, with rhyme:

"Never will your kind view Eden again.
All are shut out for your cognizant sin.
Man, you shall toil and work in the earth.
And woman, your pain will come giving birth.
You’re banished! Get out! All three of you go!"
Then God set a guard at the Tree of Life so
we’d not be let in, but always we’d know
that this was how woman and man fell so low.

You can't help but try to sing it as you dance and smile, reading about God's wonderful forgiving spirit.  Be sure to pick up your copy today, and get your kids involved!  They'll have a great time learning how to regurgitate doctrine while beginning a long-lasting emotional attachment to ideas that make them feel good.  'Cause come on, I dare you to read this and not feel good:

Though everyone knew of the things God had spoken,
the men muttered angrily, "Our God is broken!
Why worship Him? Can He not see our power?
We're greater than Him. Come, let's build a tower
and show Him that He should be worshiping us."
But God saw their plan, and was filled with disgust.
"Man never changes, so I must change him."
So he twisted their tongues and confused all of them.
And he scattered mankind, confounding the rabble
and that's why it's called the Tower of Babel.

(From page 7, Genesis 9:18 - 11:32.  And remember kids, the perfect word of the Living God contains ZERO contradictions or errors because it was inspired by a god who does not author confusion!)

I dread how they sugar-coat the Numbers conquests.


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