Saturday, August 29, 2009

Look Busy

I drove by a church sign today that read, "Jesus is Coming, Look Busy" and I don't know how I'm supposed to take that.

What do they mean by "busy"? Like, busy helping the sick and the needy, or busy washing your car? Does a person reading the bible look busy to Jesus?

The other reason I don't get it is because of their implied message. If you're a child at a rowdy slumber party and your friend says, "I hear mom coming, act like you're sleeping!", or you're at the office and someone says, "Here comes the boss, look busy!" then I can understand the ruse, but it just doesn't work for theology. Are they suggesting that their all-knowing deity won't notice you're "looking busy" because you know he's coming? (See Pascal's Wager Flaw #4)

As I drove on I wondered, should Christians be the kids who are up too late and are fixing to get in trouble, or should they be the dad who sits up until 1:00 AM waiting on his teenager to come home? I for one (if I actually believed he really WAS coming) would be the like the angry parent just waiting to bust Jesus' ass for being so goddamn late.


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Missing Bible

I just stayed at a hotel in Branson, Missouri-- the G-rated Las Vegas. The town is filled with nothing but "family" shows and activities; there's a lot of brochures for shows with the little Jesus fish on them. I couldn't wait to play hide-the-bible at the hotel.

Seek And Ye Shall Find
If you haven't played that game, you really should consider it on your next hotel stay. See, the cleaning staff have to put everything back the way it was before you got there, in preparation for the next guest. And I mean everything: the towels are folded a certain way, the blinds are set to a specific angle, even the TV is put back on the default channel and the remote put back in its place. They essentially reset the room.

You usually find a bible in the bedside drawer, and if you're an infidel like me (or just mischievous in general) try to find a better place for the bible before you check out. Make it difficult for them to find; put it behind the TV or way under the bed in the corner, or wrapped up in the towels. (I generally tend to not damage it too much; it's not my rightful property and I respect that.) You could even write a letter and put it deep within the pages, so the next person who opens it will find your message. Whatever works best for you.

Blessed Are Those Who Do Not See
Anyway, I was all looking forward to playing, seeing as how the town seemed to carry that nauseatingly sweet air of righteousness just under its surface...when come to find out, my hotel room didn't have a friggin bible in it!

Maybe it was just a fluke, or maybe the previous occupant kept (or destroyed) it. Or maybe the FSM was watching over me and, knowing that the World's Largest Toy Museum had blatantly attempted to shove Christianity down my throat, supernaturally hid the vile tome from mine eyes. Whatever the cause, I was extremely grateful and a little sad at not getting to play my favorite hotel game.

Moral: Don't visit Branson's Toy Museum if you don't like being proselytized to.


Wednesday, August 5, 2009

God is THE Answer

I occasionally need a quick laugh and while traveling, nothing is easier than flipping on a Christian radio talk show. This particular one had me listening in for a few minutes, intrigued by the conversation between the host and a caller. The topic was the seemingly-out-of-place book of Ecclesiastes, a rather hard book for Christians to read without adding and changing the wording to make its message of "life is meaningless" mean something different (even though the book itself explicitly warns not to add to the book). The show's caller asked something regarding the mysterious ways of God. The host's response made me choke on my Skittles: "God doesn't give us answers, He gives us theology."

Not On Your Own Understanding
In the effort to once again tie atheism with nihilism, the Christian radio host continued to spout of claims that a life without God is a meaningless, hopeless life. These claims were of course not supported by anything other than the same words spoken with different inflection. But we've heard that song over and over and have proven it false. The thing that truly bothered me was how crass and willfully ignorant that statement was.

Now I've known first-hand how religion works and I talk with religious people on an almost daily basis, yet every time I hear this stuff I want to rip my hair out. They say things like "don't question, just accept" and claim it is the smartest thing you could ever do. They tout incredulity and gullibility as their highest virtue.

The radio preacher's words reminded me why I make videos and posts and why I talk to people about religion. The harm it causes to not only the believers and their family, but to the rest of the world, now and future generations. Not being able to think critically about ANYTHING is a greater risk to public safety than worrying about seat-belt laws. Those with this mentality of "we don't need answers, we just need God" scare the Jeebus out of me.