Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Missing Bible

I just stayed at a hotel in Branson, Missouri-- the G-rated Las Vegas. The town is filled with nothing but "family" shows and activities; there's a lot of brochures for shows with the little Jesus fish on them. I couldn't wait to play hide-the-bible at the hotel.

Seek And Ye Shall Find
If you haven't played that game, you really should consider it on your next hotel stay. See, the cleaning staff have to put everything back the way it was before you got there, in preparation for the next guest. And I mean everything: the towels are folded a certain way, the blinds are set to a specific angle, even the TV is put back on the default channel and the remote put back in its place. They essentially reset the room.

You usually find a bible in the bedside drawer, and if you're an infidel like me (or just mischievous in general) try to find a better place for the bible before you check out. Make it difficult for them to find; put it behind the TV or way under the bed in the corner, or wrapped up in the towels. (I generally tend to not damage it too much; it's not my rightful property and I respect that.) You could even write a letter and put it deep within the pages, so the next person who opens it will find your message. Whatever works best for you.

Blessed Are Those Who Do Not See
Anyway, I was all looking forward to playing, seeing as how the town seemed to carry that nauseatingly sweet air of righteousness just under its surface...when come to find out, my hotel room didn't have a friggin bible in it!

Maybe it was just a fluke, or maybe the previous occupant kept (or destroyed) it. Or maybe the FSM was watching over me and, knowing that the World's Largest Toy Museum had blatantly attempted to shove Christianity down my throat, supernaturally hid the vile tome from mine eyes. Whatever the cause, I was extremely grateful and a little sad at not getting to play my favorite hotel game.

Moral: Don't visit Branson's Toy Museum if you don't like being proselytized to.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Seek And Ye Shall Find
If you haven't played that game, you really should consider it on your next hotel stay."
I don't play that game. I usually throw it into the garbage bin or if I'm lucky, I find a cardboard recycle bin, so it isn't a total waste of good trees.
And it's NOT theft, since the Hotel doesn't own it (think of it as Junk Mail). It's put there by the Gideon's (sometimes the Mormons put one in as well) - So I figure I'd waste THEIR resources to print a replacement diverting money that would be used for proselytizing their religious virus.

And if it’s missing (or well hidden), the Hotel cleaning staff doesn’t care unless they are missionaries on the side - then I want them to WASTE their time as well and get (hopefully) fired for not getting their room cleaning quota done.

- Fastthumbs