Today is day when we collectively mark the remembrance of Ireland's patron saint. He spent nearly forty years converting Ireland to Christianity, and today is his feast day...
And I'm gonna ruin it!
That's right, I'm not going to remember St. Patrick for his spreading of religious dogma. I'm not going to attend church service, and I didn't practice Lent, so I don't have this day of lifting restrictions to cherish. No, just like every other Christian holiday (and those they think are theirs), I'm going to celebrate it without celebrating the religious meaning behind it. I'm going to do what a majority of Americans are doing. I'm going to dress in green, pinch those who aren't, and drink GREEN BEER (or perhaps beer from green bottles):